Letter #13 – Vampires, tsunamis and sharks, oh my!

Hi Nate:

Oh what a day I have had!

Per your Dad’s crazy, but probably very viable, idea, I have spent the entire day watching scary movies. Why? In hopes of creating a nightmare terrifying enough to get Theodore to jump out of my body. I began with a breakfast of brain-eating zombies, followed by blood sucking vampires, and then the knife wielding and chain saw bearing psychos who knock off some seriously judgment-challenged teenagers one by one.

Bu lunch time, we were into the disaster movies. There were earthquakes, tornadoes, nuclear bombs, tsunamis ,asteroids and let’s not forget about all those pesky alien invasions.

Was that enough? Not according to your Dad!! As if I didn’t have enough content for a pretty scary nightmare, I then sat through movies about scary critters. Sharks that ate people, followed by snakes that ate people, and then there were the spiders that ate people (imagine how your brother would have loved that one). A couple of movies about dinosaurs running amok, and rounding it out with a movie about some overly aggressive birds that sent me running for the hills.
“That’s enough!” I said. “No more scary movies!! I’m not even sure I can fall asleep tonight I’m so scared.”
“Yeah,that should do it.” Your Dad agreed.

So, I’m drinking some warm tea, and I’m getting ready to go to bed. I can’t really say I’m looking forward to it, but hopefully we’ll scare Theodore right out of my throat. Wish me luck.

Love and kisses,


P.S. This is Dad. Wow, am I glad I’m not Mom. Those movies were so scary. Although, the dinosaur ones were kind of cool, and I always love a good zombie movie, but the rest forget it. Oh, but the special effects on the tsunami movie were awesome . . . ooopps Mom just saw what I wrote to you, and she’s looking a little mad. I gotta go.


Letter #12 – If you can’t bore the Snore . . .

Hi Nate:

I can’t believe it’s Friday again, and you have now been there for two weeks! Wow, the summer is flying by quickly.
So Dad had an idea for how to get Theordore the Snore out of my throat.
But it wasn’t pretty.
“He’s never going to get bored watching my dreams,” I explained, “My dreams are really entertaining. They’re in vibrant colors, they’re set to music, and they have rockin’ good dance numbers.”
“So if we can’t bore him out of your throat, maybe we could scare him out of your throat.” Dad said.
“Jigga what?”
“I bet if you had a nightmare, he’d pack his bags and be on his way.”
“Oh dear god, are you telling me that there’s luggage in my throat, too!!”
“I . . . no . . . that’s not the point.”
I was becoming impatient. “Then what is the point.”
“The point is, if this Snore likes Musicals, then I’d put money on it he wouldn’t like a scary dream.”
He did have a point. “Yeah, but I never have nightmares.”
“Oh, I have the standard making a speech naked, and missing a final exam dreams, and then there’s always that drinking from someone else’s cup and fining out that it’s toilet water, but everyone has those dreams.”
“Um, not the one about drinking toilet water.”
“You don’t have that dream?”
“Oh. Well, that’s about how scary my dreams get. I think the last time I had a nightmare was after I saw Jaws as a kid.”
“That’s it!” Your Dad said.
“What’s it?” I asked
“That’s how we’re going to get you to have a nightmare. You’re going to spend tomorrow watching one scary movie after another. Your sure to have a nightmare then!”
Your Dad seemed very enthused about this idea. I can’t say I shared his feelings.
“But I don’t like scary movies.” I complained.
“Well, it’s that or continue being the proud owner of the loudest snore this side of the Mississippi.”
“How do you even know that? How could you possibly know how my Snore compares to other Snores even in a 10 mile radius?”
“I . . . never mind. Snore or no snore?”
I sighed. “No snore. Bring on the scary movies.”
Well, it looks like I have a fun filled day planned for tomorrow. While you and your friends are out swimming and playing ball, I will be binge watching scary movies. I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow.
Love and kisses,
P.S. It’s Dad here. Thank goodness she agreed. I might finally be able to get some sleep again.


Letter#11 – The Secret Lives of Snores

Hi Nate:

So as your Dad may have already told you, Theodore the Snore has tricked me into liking him so that he could sneak into my throat and view my dreams.
Theodore is no longer the Snore I adore.
I plan on giving him a stern talking to once we get him out. And I suppose your wondering how we’re going to get Theodore out?

“I have a plan!” Your Dad announced. “But you may not like it.”
“I think I’ll like it more than have some double crossing Snore in my throat.”
“So I found this book called ‘The Secret Lives of Snores.”
“Say what?”
“I found this book called . . .”
“Where on earth did you find such a book?”
“At Half Price Books.” Your Dad explained.
“Well, at least you were thrifty. But why were you even looking for that book?”
“I never trusted that Snore.” Dad explained. “And I just knew he was up to something, so I started doing some research and that is the leading book on dealing with Snores.”
“Ok, so what do we do?”
“So, Snores usually don’t leave their original host, which in this case is me. But every so often you get a special Snore, a sort of genetic mutation kind of a Snore.”
“This is beginning to sound like a bad science fiction movie, but go on.” I said.
“And those kinds of Snores tend to need a lot of stimulation. When they don’t get it from the dreams, they start looking for a new host. And when they start looking for a new host, they do everything, and I mean everything to make themselves appealing to their target host.”
And suddenly, a lot of things were starting to make sense. “So that’s why I thought Theodore was so cute.” I said.
“Exactly!” Dad said. “And why I thought he was hideous. He wanted to get as far away from me as possible.”
“And why he acted like my BFF. I can’t believe I fell for it. So what do we do?”
“We’ve got to get him to hate your dreams.”
“Well that’s not going to be easy. I have fabulous dreams.”
“I’m not saying to make them boring.”
“Then what are you saying?”
What is Dad saying? Find out tomorrow!
Love and kisses,


Sleepy, sleepy Mom

Hi Nate:

Oh my! I have been so sleepy over the last couple of days! I’m still looking for Theodore, but I think that must be wearing me out, because I just get so tired. And then I go take a nap. And I’ve been having the loveliest dreams. They are all musical comedies, and they all involve tap dancing, or some incredible drum solo, and one must have been some kind of farce because there was a lot of percussive door slamming.

I was about to call the police to see if there was any news on Theodore, but I think I’ll take another nap. I’ll write more tomorrow — if I’m awake.

Love and kisses,


P.S. This is Dad. Why is your mom so tired? Why does she keep having dreams with interesting rhythms going on? Here’s what happened after Mom took that nap she was telling you about.
Your Mom was resting peacefully on the bed. I decided it was time to end that.
“Susan.” I nudged her. “Susan, you need to wake up.”
“Susan, this is serious.”
Your Mom opened her eyes and looked at me. She seemed displeased. Sighing, she said, “This better be good, I was just having the most wonderful dream about . . . ”
“Let me guess,” I said, “It was a musical, but this time the tap number was interspersed with an African drum medley.”
“I . . . however did you figure that out?” Mom asked.
“Because your short percussive snores were combined with a long inhaling snort, followed by a rapid fire gurgle.”
Your mother said nothing. At first.
“Shut. Up. I do not snore.”
“You do now.”
“How could that be? You don’t just develop a snore overnight. How long have I been doing this?”
“Since about two days ago.”
“Well that’s odd,” Mom said. “That’s when Theodore disappeared . . . oh no.”
“Oh yes.”
“How could he do that me? We were supposed to be buddies. Do you think this was his plan all along? He got close to me so that when I was least expecting it, he could sneak into my throat and take over?”
“Honey, you dream in musicals. How could he resist?” I said. “But I have a new appreciation for what you go through every night.”
“What should we do?”
“I have a plan,” I told her. “But you may not like it.”
What is the plan? We’ll tell you more tomorrow!


Where is Theodore?

Hi Nate:

Something horrible has happened!!

We can’t find Theodore the Snore anywhere!! He is missing, gone, vanished, a no-show, AWOL. I have knocked on every door in the neighborhood and asked about Theordore, and nobody knows what happened to him.

Actually, they all looked at me a little strangely because I don’t think they’ve ever heard of a Snore actually escaping from someone’s body, but nevertheless, they haven’t seen anything that resembles Theodore.

I then played Theodore’s favorite musicals on loud speakers in our backyard, hoping that might catch his attention. If you think the neighbors thought we were nuts before this . . . well, I’m sure you can imagine what they’re thinking now.

Your Dad and I called our friends, who also reacted like we were a little crazy. Then we called the police to file a missing . . .um . . .Snore report. The police told us they’d keep their eye our for Theodore. I then asked them about an Amber Alert, but they assured me it was too early for that, and so far there was no evidence of foul play.

I think I heard them laughing as we thanked them and said “good bye”.

We’ve put “Missing Snore” signs all over the neighborhood. There’s even a notice on milk cartons where they usually put pictures of missing children. I’ve inquired about dogs that are specially trained in tracking down Snores, but apparently, no such dog exists.

I’m not sure what else to do. I’m just worried sick about Theodore. And quite frankly, all of this worrying has exhausted me. I think I’m going to lie down and take a nap. I’ll let you know how our search for Theodore is going tomorrow.
Love and kisses,


P.S. This is Dad. I know exactly where that Snore is. Boy, he is one tricky Snore. I will tell you more tomorrow, but I think your Mom is not going to be very happy with Theodore the Snore when she finds out.


Letter #8 – It’s Me or the Snore

Hi Nate:

I had such a wonderful nap this afternoon.  I slept so soundly, and had the most lovely dream about a creek that made a low rumbling noise.  It was such a soothing dream, and then oddly, it transformed into a musical about a creek.  Who knew there even could be a musical about a creek, but there it was.

So, Dad is not happy that I’ve been spending so much time with Theodore the Snore.  We had a conversation about it today. Continue reading